When we choose to be someone - a doctor, a plumber, a partner, the role comes with certain expectations. Some of them aren’t written.
When you are a software engineer, people won’t be telling you that you also need to be able to explain your thoughts well enough. This is part of a team work, and this is expected to be there. People won’t tell you that being mean is generally not encouraged - at least towards your own team members (but generally accepted towards other teams, for some reason).
These hidden expectations are also often different from one team to another, and differ in nuances. Every team says they work as a team during hiring process. What exactly it means very much depends on what the individual people actually do.
Changing this dynamics is a difficult task. It is as in that old anecdote about agile coaches. Do you know how many agile coaches are needed to change a lightbulb? One, but only if the lightbulb wants to be changed.
Depending on a role, these hidden expectations can constitute a different part of the actual role. Definition of a role is something of an individual decision, conscious or unconscious, of whoever is responsible for it.
One of the diverse examples is roles in personal relationships, such as of a partner.
What would be a description of the role for your personal partner? Can be a fun exercise to take. If you ever tried - you quickly understand how overwhelming this is to write "obvious" things down. ("She has to have a head" was a good start for me). But it is sometimes important to remember that these are obvious for you only. Everyone else has their own perspective on what is obvious here, which often overlaps with yours very little.
Many roles you can try without actually taking them. Many situations in life allow you take an initiative.